


A Series of Bizarre Events

by citrinesunset



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Episode Tag, M/M, Rewards
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-02 23:37:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6587791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citrinesunset/pseuds/citrinesunset
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spoilers for 1x11 (St. Lucifer)</p><p>Lucifer returns home and realizes he forgot about Dan. He decides to have some fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Series of Bizarre Events

It was early morning by the time Lucifer returned to his apartment. He was usually immune to the passage of time—Earth time was so insignificant compared to Hell—but now he finally understood what humans meant when they talked about having a "long day."

Really, having his life threatened _twice_ , having his best tux ruined, learning about his curious vulnerability around Detective Decker, learning that his prudish brother had succumbed to Maze's charms...it was all rather much for one evening.

And being saintly had turned out to be rather overrated. Honestly, you throw a charity benefit for someone, and how do they repay you? Getting shot in the chest was not Lucifer's idea of appreciation.

Lucifer was quite ready for a nice soak in the tub and an afternoon in bed. He was already unbuttoning his cuffs when he saw the figure slumped over his bar, glass still in hand.

"Bloody hell. I forgot about you. You've been here all night?"

Detective Douche didn't move a muscle. With a sigh, Lucifer strode over and shook his shoulder.

"Wakey, wakey."

Dan jerked awake and almost fell off the stool he was sitting on. Lucifer grabbed his arm to stop him.

"My, aren't we a mess this morning. Took some liberties with my bar, have we? I seem to remember offering you two drinks, not five."

Dan blinked and ran his hand through his hair. "If you had any idea what I've been through these past couple days...." He shook his head. "And you...you were shot in the chest. You looked like you were dead. What the hell is going on?" He eyed the bullet holes in Lucifer's shirt.

"Merely a flesh wound, I assure you."

"Do you wear a bulletproof vest or something?"

"Or something. You know, I must say—I have no idea what Chloe sees in you, but I am quite impressed at how you flew to my rescue. Quite the dashing hero when you want to be. Even Maze couldn't manage that. Too busy banging my brother, I suppose."

Dan didn't seem to hear most of that. He staggered to his feet, saying, "Chloe. I should go see her. Make sure she's all right."

Lucifer put a hand on his chest, stopping him. "Don't worry. Detective Decker is fine. But she won't be if she sees you in this state. What you need is a shower."

Dan looked doubtful. "I have to tell someone about Malcolm."

"Oh, I don't think Malcolm will be bothering us for a while. No, go on—I have a massaging showerhead that I'm sure you'll find delightful."

Dan didn't argue much as Lucifer led him toward the bathroom. Whatever had happened to him, it'd left him in quite a state. Lucifer actually liked him this way.

Once in the bathroom, Lucifer reached for Dan's shirt. Dan slapped his hands away.

"I can manage this part on my own, okay?"

Lucifer held up his hand. "Well, aren't we defensive about our heterosexuality. Very well, then. I'll be outside if you need anything."

Lucifer left Dan and went into the bedroom, where he stood in front of the full-length mirror on the wall. He unbuttoned his shirt and examined his chest. The only sign of the shots were a few round red marks on his skin, like small burns.

He hadn't been killed, but he was afraid St. Lucifer was dead. Or was he? It occurred to Lucifer that he had a bit of a dilemma on his hands. Why was he helping Dan? Some would say that Dan was something of a sexual rival of his, though that didn't seem to be true anymore. Lucifer didn't like Dan, and he was certain Dan didn't like him. Chloe seemed through with him, so she might not even appreciate Lucifer's generosity. This was one more baffling event in a truly baffling thirty-six hours.

Turning around, he strode back into the bathroom, where the shower was now running. He slid open the opaque glass door.

Dan was standing under the stream of water. He yelped when the door opened, and covered his crotch with his hands.

"Dude, what are you doing?"

"Sorry, quick question—why did you come here?"

"What?"

"Why did you want to stop Malcolm from killing me? I've been quite open about my dislike for you, and I was under the impression the feeling was mutual."

Dan wrinkled his nose. "You think I'd sit by and let a murder happen just because I didn't like someone? That's low, even for you."

"Hmm. A sense of honor, then. Perhaps you have more depth than I gave you credit for."

"Great, thanks. Now, do you mind? I'm kind of trying to take a shower, here."

"Of course. As you were, then."

Lucifer slid the door closed again and stepped away. Perhaps he'd been hasty in his judgment. Dan might have been a douchebag, but he must have some redeeming qualities. _Something_ had made Chloe decide that she was willing to bear this man's genetic offspring.

Lucifer went back in the bedroom and sat on the bed, waiting for Dan to emerge. As the minutes stretched on, he tapped his fingers on the duvet. Finally, the water switched off, and a couple minutes later, Dan emerged. Wearing the same filthy clothes, he hardly looked any cleaner. Lucifer contemplated offering him some clothes, but decided against it.

Some men could not pull off Prada.

Still, he felt he owed Dan something.

"You know," he said, "I feel I should give you something more in return for trying to save my life. Granted, you _didn't_ save my life. I'm immortal, and even if I weren't, you would have been much too late to do anything. Still, an A for effort."

Dan looked wary. "You really don't have to do anything. I'm a cop—it's kind of my job."

"Oh, don't be so modest. I hate modesty." Lucifer stood and walked over to Dan. "Tell me, what do you desire? Money? A promotion? I'm on good terms with the LAPD these days." His smile broadened. "Or the best thing of all—me. Before you try to tell me you're straight, let me tell you that several heterosexual men have complimented me on my fellatio."

Dan blinked at him, and his lips formed an incredulous smile. "You're crazy, you know that? I don't know how Chloe works with you. Actually, I don’t know how you get by with any of this. Your nightclub is an obvious front for something, but your books are spotless. You have zero police experience and you're a complete liability, but the LAPD is letting you work with my wife. It's like you're conning your way into whatever you want, and no one notices."

Lucifer frowned. "I assure you there's no 'conning.' I simply give people what they want. It's easy enough. Half the time, they want me. Are you sure you don't? I'm beginning to think it would be a mutually beneficial experience. You can enjoy an excellent blow job, and I can try to get an idea of what Chloe ever saw in you. Perhaps it's your sexual prowess that appealed to her."

He moved a little closer to Dan, pressing his groin against his thigh.

Dan chuckled. Shaking his head, he said, "Okay, I'll play along. You're seriously trying to seduce me?"

"Well, seduction implies making an effort. I usually don't have to work that hard."

"You're incredible."

"So I've been told."

Lucifer took Dan by the hands and pulled him toward the bed. Surprisingly, Dan led himself be steered until he was sitting on the edge and Lucifer was kneeling between his spread thighs.

"This is crazy," Dan said quietly. "I thought getting kidnapped by Malcolm was the craziest thing that could happen."

Lucifer tugged on the zipper of Dan's fly. "Ah, but this is so much more enjoyable."

Lucifer was used to people being all too willing to get a piece of him. But his difficulties with Chloe had put a dent in his confidence, and he half expected Dan to change his mind and storm out. But he continued to sit there as Lucifer freed his cock from the dull plaid boxers he wore.

He was a bit disappointed by how average Dan's cock was. He'd thought perhaps Chloe was drawn to him because he was abnormally well-endowed. And having a large cock in his mouth was always a treat. But this would do. And besides—he was doing this for Dan. To repay him.

He didn't expect reciprocation. Not this time at least. He didn't expect Dan to be much good in his current state. But he didn't mind terribly. Performing the act on someone else was enjoyable in itself. He liked the obscene sounds men made when they found out how well he could deepthroat. The Devil didn't have a gag reflex.

But he wanted to take his time with Dan. A good blow job involved plenty of teasing. In this case, it was a challenge. He wanted to see if he could keep Dan's interest long enough to make him come, and it wouldn't do to rush things.

Dan gasped when Lucifer flicked his tongue against the head of his cock. He wasn't hard yet, but that started to change quickly once Lucifer started teasing him. Out of the corner of his eye, Lucifer could see Dan grasping the edge of the bed.

Next, Lucifer moved on to stage two, which was slowly taking Dan's hardening cock into his mouth. Lucifer could feel it thicken and twitch against his tongue.

Dan's breathing quickened. Lucifer would have grinned if his mouth hadn't been full.

Lucifer could do a hundred marvelous things with his tongue, and he showed Dan at least half of them. By the end of it, Dan was biting his lip to keep from crying out. Lucifer supposed it was like Dan to be stubborn and hold back.

But he couldn't contain himself when Lucifer sucked him to his climax. He squeezed his eyes shut and moaned through his teeth. When Lucifer sat back on his heels, Dan leaned back on the bed, propping himself up on his elbows.

Grinning, Lucifer said, "Good, wasn't it?"

Dan was panting. "How the hell do you do that?"

"Hell has very little to do with it, I'm afraid. Not much fun to be had there."

Lucifer got to his feet and climbed onto the bed beside Dan, who was still regaining his breath.

"I don't suppose," Lucifer said, reaching a hand out to Dan's chest, "that you feel up to reciprocating? I assure you I'm very easy to please."

But Dan ignored him. Instead, he brushed off Lucifer's hand and stood, saying, "What am I still doing here? I've got to go."

He stumbled toward the doorway, putting himself back in his pants and zipping his fly as he walked. Before leaving, he turned around and said, "Uh, I don't know what that was, but it's not happening again."

"I would expect as much. But if you change your mind, you know where to find me."

Lucifer watched Dan leave and felt vaguely disappointed. The man was still an enigma to him, and though he thought he didn’t need reciprocation, he found in reality that he was rather unsatisfied.

He sighed as he made his way to the bathroom. He really had to stop being so generous with his gifts.


End file.
